Feeling Other People’s Pain
Does That Make You HELPFUL or UN?
Feeling Other People’s Pain — like saying, “I know just how you feel.” OUCH!
You can do so much better than this. Although, sadly, three forms of this foolishness are ridiculously popular. Find out why they’re all bad for you: Pop Psych Helping, the “Acting Christian” Version, and Empath Sentimentality Jazz.
Take a Deep Breath. Then Jump into Our Bracing Pool of COUNTER-CULTURE
Usually “I know just how you feel” is an empty social gesture. Akin to the fake smiles we discussed in detail at the Rose Rosetree Main Blog. (Especially informative thereare all the COMMENTS.)
As you read what follows, I invite you to do this: Remember different times when people have told you this nonsense: “I know exactly how you feel.” Right!?
What the heck was actually going on? Was it really Feeling Other People’s Pain? Or something quite different.
Here’s an Idea that Won’t Hurt
In this article, let’s explore three different ways that society may be telling you:
- Go for it. Either try feeling other people’s pain.
- Otherwise, just fake it. Because they won’t know the difference. Besides, they’ll love you for trying.
Find out what’s your better alternative.
#1. The Pop Psych Version of Feeling Other People’s Pain
Oprah Winfrey, the queen of Pop Psychology, has made empathy her personal brand.
Think twice before trying to make it yours.
Sweetsy-Weetsy Reasons Why This Is Nonsense Is Supposed to Be Kind
Telling other people, “I know just how you feel”? Yeah, misery loves company. At least, certain people love company when they feel miserable.
By contrast, smart people use more discernment. We don’t demand that friends host a Pity Party. Because those social events don’t bring personal growth. OR spiritual awakening.
And I say that based on facilitating Energy Spirituality sessions since 1986. More than 10,000 hours have taught me a lot about what helps versus what doesn’t. When it comes to “Feeling Other People’s Pain”…
In Reality, What You’re Doing Is
Saying soothing words. That’s about all.
Maybe hosting that hypothetical Pity Party. By speaking today’s psychologically trendy words of comfort.
And What You’re Doing to the Person In Pain?
Now Joe is going to have to listen to your tale of woe. Maybe comfort you?
Uncomfortably, your story of pain is unique. Both the objective reality details and the subjective reality of feeling that pain. Therefore, you might find it helpful to tell your personal story a few times. Or possibly ask for advice.
Only neither opportunity is truly available if your friend already “knows it all.”
Finally, when another person says “I know exactly how you feel,” isn’t that pretty insulting? Despite the “meaning well” aspect.
#2. The “Christian” Version of Feeling Other People’s Pain
Most important, like so many “Christian” things taught in churches, did Jesus ever pull stunts like this? I doubt it.
Parading your “charity” before others? Really? “Acting Christian” has earned its bad reputation for meaning something that Jesus never taught: Acting phony.
Ironically, you know this… If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of ostentatious “Christian charity.” Spiritually, it stinks.
Not sure what I mean here? Bring a one-on-one incident to an Energy Spirituality ENERGY HEALING Session. Choose a time when somebody told you, “I know just how you feel.” And on the day of your session, email me a good photo for aura reading.
Because I’d just LOVE to pull out an Energetic Hologram. Telling you what was really going on in that other person’s chakra databanks.
Sweetsy-Weetsy Reasons Why This Is Nonsense Is Supposed to Be “Christian”
Sadly I’ve researched auras of many Evangelicals and Fundamentalists for my clients. Plus, in my neighborhood? Of course, living in America’s Bible Belt, I’ve been on the receiving end.
Like the 8-year-old neighbor who didn’t speak to me for a year. Then one day she approached me. Never saying “Hello.” Instead, she asked me something like, “Do you know the good news about Jesus Christ?” Quite some introduction! Especially since, at 72, I wasn’t wearing a sign that read “Born yesterday.” How very kind of her????
- With certain “Christians,” saying that “I know just how you feel” can often be a ploy to start conversion efforts.
- Or perhaps using empathy on a fellow Christian. In order to find that other person’s sin. All the better to offer gratuitous “improvement” to others! (Yes, it’s been done.)
In Reality, What You’re Doing Is
Something manipulative. “For the sake of that person’s soul,” of course.
And What You’re Doing to the Person In Pain?
Probably something manipulative… That supposedly leads to that person’s spiritual betterment.
Other times, dispensing “Christian charity.” (In my view, that oxymoron is right up there with “Jumbo shrimp.”
#3. The Confused Empath Version of Feeling Other People’s Pain
AKA “Empath Sentimentality Jazz.” (Yes, that’s a technical term I just made up.)
Man oh man, does this Empath Coach ever have something to say about Empath Sentimentality Jazz.
One way to tell a faulty empath teacher is this: Insisting that empaths are always feeling other people’s pain.
As America’s most experienced Empath Coach, I don’t know everything. But I do know some things. Including this:
- Out of 15 empath gifts that an empath might have, only 2 of them involve feeling another person’s pain. (Click here for a responsible discussion of empath gifts.)
- Meanwhile, whatever your empath gifts, if you study with a good empath teacher, hello! You don’t walk around “picking up pain” from others. Or knowing “just how they feel.”
- On occasion you might choose to do Skilled Empath Merge. And this will tell you plenty. However, in that situation, you’re never taking on the other person’s pain. And I mean NEVER.As America’s most experienced Empath Coach, I don’t know everything. But I do know some things. Including this:
All that said…
Why This Is Nonsense Is Supposed to Be Inevitable for Empaths…
Incidentally, when one of those empath teachers uses terms like “Empath Empowerment” and “Empowered Empath”? Guess what? As one client put it last night in a session, “They’re ripping off your work.” (That’s because I own the trademark for Empath Empowerment®. Plus two copyrights for books with “Empowered Empath” in the title. Copycats don’t.)
In Reality, What Folks Are Doing with “I Feel your Pain Because I’m a Talented Empath” Jazz
Thinking that you’re getting helpful knowledge and skills. Whereas, unfortunately, you’re studying with a teacher who:
- Lacks good skills of aura reading. And thus has no way to gauge effectiveness.
- Assuming that you’re doing a “Skilled Empath Merge” when the opposite is true.
- Taking on Imported STUFF that goes straight to your aura. (This book can help you to understand Imported STUFF. And, furthermore, show you how to stop taking more of it on, every single day of your life!)
Indirectly, empaths who humble-brag in this way… Give empaths a bad name.
Personally, this Empath Coach (and lifelong empath, of course) has never once said anything like this. Question the popularity of Talented Empath Jazz. It’s pretty offensive to Skilled Empaths, actually. Moreover, let’s take a moment to consider…
With Any Empath Sentimentality Jazz, What Are You Doing to the Person In Pain?
Depending on which empath teacher you’ve studied with, you might give that person in pain:
- A psychic reading. (Although empaths are NOT psychics or intuitives. Apples and oranges.)
- Bad advice, based on faulty teachings that you trusted. And now are spreading.
- An unskilled empath merge.
That third option is something I find particularly sad. Because what’s available? Empath Empowerment! Learn it past the beginner level and you can learn to do the skilled kind of empath merge. (Your best resource would be this book about becoming a “Master Empath.”)
Saying “I know exactly how you feel”! That’s never a good idea.
Better to sympathize! Even better? Ask, “How can I help?” And then say something or do something in objective reality. Hey, that’s called friendship — and for good reason.