3 Things Empaths Absolutely Need to Be Happy
Learn about Them Here
First of all, let’s get to one particular person. And one particular incident.
My friend Gladys was crying. Since we were talking by phone, I couldn’t see her sweet face. And I’d never heard her cry before. But I was sure.
Here’s What Happened
Gladys, who lives alone, had just recovered from a bad migraine.
Two Days Before
Two days before, she sent me a text, letting me know about this unusual headache.
Of course, I texted her back right away, asking “Do you want me to call you?”
“No,” Gladys said. “I’ll be okay. Just going to sleep early.”
One Day Before
Naturally I followed up. “How are you doing?” I texted. “Do you want me to call? Want to talk?”
Her reply was simple. And, if I stopped to think about it, quite predictable. “Good news,” she texted “Today I’m fine. Back to normal. No need to call me, but thanks.”
And Then Today. (The Day Gladys Cried.)
Our scheduled phone date arrived. Naturally we talked about this and that, but before we hung up I brought the topic around to how I’d been willing to talk. And hadn’t she wanted to talk? Living all alone, 65 years old, and not able to do much for herself while ill, except for sleeping that headache off. Hadn’t it been scary?
“I don’t need to talk at times like this,” she said. “That’s how I am.”
“Even though you’re an empath?” I wondered. Out loud, I thought to ask her, “Have you ever had a friend like Joe?” And then I told her this story.
Joe’s Special Bell
Joe happens to be my husband of 30 years. Long before then, both of us lived in a group house with six people.
That winter, I got the flu. Silly me, at the time, I thought I was going to die. So I asked Joe to come in and witness my Last Will and Testament. Long before TV shows like “2 Broke Girls,” I had precious little to bequeath. Anyhow, I read out my limp little handwritten sheet of paper, instructing humanity what to do with my personal effects. Just in case I was going to die soon, very soon.
Joe did me the favor of not laughing. Beyond that he said, “Wait a minute.” Minutes later, came back into the room carrying a bell, an ordinary little brass bell with a black handle.
“Keep that,” he said, placing it on my night table (an upside-down, blue plastic milk crate). Joe told me, “Any time you feel scared, or you want help, or you just want to talk? Ring that bell. I’ll hear it and come listen to you.”
And That’s When Gladys Started to Cry
“Oh,” she said finally. “I never had a friend like that. Even though I’ve got plenty of friends for chit-chat. And even though I’ve had two husbands, and I still have two daughters.
“Never, and I mean never, have I had somebody who wanted to hear me like that — a real friend who would listen.”
Gladys cried some more, and then she said, “You know what? I did want you to call me. I do want friends who will call me. Just so that I can say how I’m feeling.
“When I told you I didn’t need to talk, I was telling the truth. Only that was because I didn’t dare admit to myself how much I needed to talk to somebody who cared. I guess I’ve always needed that. Now I know.”
In Honor of Gladys, Let Me Share This Little List
As you may have guessed, it’s a list of three things that empaths absolutely need to be happy.
What is an empath? I know a bit about that, although I’m still learning. In my definition, as the founder of Empath Empowerment®, what is an empath?
An empath has at least one gift for directly experiencing what it is like to be another person.
Altogether I’ve found 15 different empath gifts. (Hey that’s a different conversation we could have here someday.) Bottom line: We empaths have a lot going on.
Going on within us? Yes, we find a lot. Besides that, sometimes we can feel overwhelmed at how much we notice outside of us; since our experience of life tends to be quite intense.
In order for us empaths to be happy, by far the most important thing? It’s learning to become a Skilled Empath. In general, though? Here are the three most important things to make a big difference for improving everyday life.
Thing — Or Person — #1. Friends Who Listen to You
Because empaths have so much to share, it’s vital to for you to find at least one real friend. Preferably a few more, but at least one real friend who is willing to listen to you.
Maybe he or she will actually give you a cheap brass bell. Maybe not.
What matters, though, is finding a friend who will be there for you. Somebody who cares about how you’re doing.
As my conversation with Gladys continued, she told me this, “Of course I have a ton of friends. Back in high school I learned how to be popular. Ever since then, I’ve collected friends. And I’ve kept most of them, too. What does that mean? I’ve been there for them and I’ve listened to them. Only, now that I think about it, every one of those friendships was like a one-way street.
“Come to think of it, I’ve had no shortage of friends who would tell me how they felt. Countless hours on the phone, we’ve spent together. Only they never wanted to listen to how I felt, not a single one of them.”
Yes, it’s a rare friend who is willing to listen. But you know what? Sometimes you can train friends up to take more of an interest. Like you might say something like this, “I just had the scariest experience with a migraine. Can I tell you what that was like?”
In short, give that friend a chance to act like a friend, a real friend.
Also, be on the lookout for new friends who will listen, actually listen. Not just pretend.
Thing — Or Person — #2. Friends Who Accept You as You Are
Please note, these friends don’t have to be empaths; all that matters is that they’re fans of YOU.
Controversy alert, here, on this point! Many an empath teacher will advise you otherwise, like: “If you’re an empath, only make friends with empaths. If you’re an HSP, why bother wasting your time with anybody less sensitive?”
I happen to disagree. Requiring sensitivity before people can become friends with you? That only makes your world smaller. Besides, what are you going to do, demand that each new acquaintance show you his Hoity-Toity, Super-Sensitivity-Elite, Membership Card?
How I see it? God don’t make no junk. Which means that people with less sensitivity that you aren’t simply some form of human garbage. Let people accept you on their terms. That’s a reasonable friend requirement.
By contrast, what would be an unreasonable requirement? Demanding that your friend have smarts and sensitivity equal to your own.
In that Regard, Let’s Make an Analogy to Dressing Cute
Say that your buddy Babette is — between you and me — kind of homely. But one day you’re having a visit over Zoom and you can tell that she changed out of her usual pandemic outfit of exhausted-looking sweatshirt and sweatpants. Now she’s wearing a pretty blouse that brings out the gorgeous brown of her eyes, and she’s got on actual earrings. Plus makeup!
You know what? Babette is looking super-cute. For Babette. And maybe that’s not as fabulous as you can look, but she’s a different person, right?
BTW, however she’s dressed — and however low she would score on a Beauty Scale from 1–10 — and despite not being the most sensitive jelly bean in the jar — can you accept Babette for who she is? Can you value her for who she is?
If so, you’ve got what it takes to be a friend. Beyond that, you’ll be able to tell when others do the same for you. Demand that of your close friends.
Because you’ll be so much happier when a friend is on your side.
Speaking of Which
Let me share an uplifting coincidence. While I was writing this article today, a comment came in on my blog. (Not unusual. A lot of back-and-forthing happens there.)
Only this particular comment stopped me in my tracks for a moment. As if it made me stop running down my usual jogging track. I read the following words at least twice in a row:
Thank you, Rose, from not just the bottom of my heart, but the whole of it.
Talk about accepting and appreciating another person! Yes, sometimes they’ll tell you in ways that are unmistakable.
For full happiness as an empath, be that kind of friend. And make that kind of friend.
Thing — Or Person — #3. Goal-Setting Skills
Maybe that’s the last thing you’d expect to find on this list. Like, goal setting might never show up if you were making a list of the 3 Most Important Things that Could Make You Happy as an Empath. Or even the 30 Most Important Things.
Yet there’s so much to be said for trusty, trustable goal setting skills. Setting goals can help you in many contexts, including career success and preparing for what I call an “Appropriate, Fulfilling, Committed, Mutual, Lasting Love Relationship.”
Only here’s what many of us empaths never think about. Setting goals is also a really neat trick for getting us out of our heads and hearts… and into REALITY.
But what if you’ve never set goals before, so you’re not sure where to begin? Here’s what I recommend. Write down one goal for today and also one goal for this week. Underneath each goal, be sure to write down an action item, something that realistically you can do.
Return to your list at the end of the day. Everything you’ve accomplished, check it off your list. Easy-peasy!
Did you know? An effective empath is a happy empath. Setting goals can make that happen.
Try it for a week, and you just might be amazed.
